OK, Mom...don't kill me...

I know my mom will HATE me for showing ya'll this picture I am about to show you. But, hopefully, she will forgive me. Because she loves me, and that is what parents do, right...forgive you? :)

The above mentioned picture was taken one day shortly before Christmas. It involves Julianne sitting on the back of the couch, "fixing" Gramma's hair. She does this all.the.time. if you let her. Gramma lets her. I took a picture to add to my collection of "Julianne fixing Gramma's hair" pictures.

But something happened...and this is what my snapshot resulted in:




Gramma and I laughed and laughed and laughed at this picture! Julianne was actually choking her! Forever...this picture, and the memory of when I snapped this picture, will be one of my favorite picture taking memories. I love you mom.

I love this video...that's why.

BEDTIME DANCE-OFF...

Today was one of those days for me. For no real particular reason, other than the million little reasons, I progressively became crabbier and crabbier. It is becoming increasingly loud in my head...the chaos, that is. The chaos that is my home and my life, and my inner dialogue. I've got several things to work on...to change...and to face and figure out. If only I had the time and desire to do so.

So, as you can imagine, it is often loud at my house. Of course, having five children can be loud, but I also seem to have even louder than normal children. All of them seemingly trying to be louder than the next...all trying to get my attention at the same time. One of them is usually giving me attitude and testing me all the ever loving time. Another one seems to only have a dialogue of whine. One of them is in constant fast motion and living on the edge...forever testing the laws of gravity and Murphy's law. The other two are just LOUD and crazy.

I love them. I love them to death, and it is not their fault that I get annoyed quickly sometimes. Today was one of those days. I even told them that I was crabby, and that they should just not try and talk to me. That's terrible, isn't it....but I felt it was fair, and kind of me, at the time.

So, Monday night consists of perpetual movement, as usual. Get kids home from school. Do snack and play, and try to get some homework done. At 4:30, I take one to basketball practice. At 5:15 I take another one to "night school". At 6:00, go back and pick up the one from basketball practice. 6:30 is when "night school" is over. On the way back from "night school", I dropped off our first ever red box rental, and stopped and got myself a soda. And of course...when I got back from all that, it was time to sit down with my girlie who didn't go to school today because she was sick, and work on all 15 or so pages of homework that was brought home to her. (Geesh, I hate homework, even when it isn't mine....)

I know, you are all probably gone by now, because this is pretty boring...trust me, I know, I'm living it.... But, imagine if you will this scene. Mom is still UBER cranky, trying to help a child with all this homework, while one child sits next to me crabbing about her chicken patty being cut up, when she wanted it whole...and other child keeps climbing on me, crying because she wants a drink of my God Forsaken diet pepsi, while the ever moving boy is crashing into every wall he can find, because "it's fun", and then Ms. Attitude is crabbing that I took back the red box movie before she got to finish it. ....and while all this is going on OUTSIDE of my body, my inner self is thinking these sorts of things: What dressdown clothes am I going to get out for the kids to wear? Damn, I really need to clean and organize around here. I sure hope we don't end up owing the tax man a million dollars. Just what am I going to end up doing with Julianne next year? Who is going to get these kids to the talent show dress rehearsal on Thursday....blah blah blah.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo........ after dinner, it happened. God stepped in and said.."sit. enjoy." It started off with the kids practicing their Talent Show songs. Then, it turned into a "dance off" in my living room. The kids, all five of them, danced wildly in my living room as I sat on the couch, sipping my diet pepsi. They were having fun. True, honest fun. I sat there thinking to myself, that THIS is what today brought me. I will remember this scene in my head forever. They laughed until they cried, as did I.

I love my kids. Thank you God, for making me stop, sit and enjoy. Enjoy I did.

My Montage 1/17/10 at OneTrueMedia.com

This was fun and easy to make. I've always been a sucker for slide shows...

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

How about them apples?

Ok, so life as a parent is full of surprises. This we all know. Take for example, surprisingly in my 10+ years as a parent, I've never had to take the kids to the ER. Well, there was one time with Audrey when she was bitty, but for some reason, I'm not counting that time. However, since the beginning of 2010, which was only 15 days ago, I have had to take a trip with a child to the ER on two different occasions. You just never know, day to day, as a parent, what you will encounter.

So I am about to tell you a story of something one of my children told me last night. I will warn you right now, if you don't want to be grossed out, or have a visual image of something you'd rather not....I'd stop right here.


You've been warned.


Before bed, one of my children (who I will not name in order to protect their image, LOL) said to me.....

"Mom, when I wiped my butt there was red stuff on it..."

for a split second I got that mommy feeling of *oh no.......what could it be!!* But before I could continue with the thoughts of what it could be, she continued....

"But then I looked at it and realized it was just part of the peel from the apple I ate today."




Yep....no matter how long you have been a mom, you just are never ready to hear things like that.

Challenge and Change.

Two words I read in a newsletter the other day. Challenge and Change.

That is where I am.

But really, that is where I always am.

I have so much I need to change.
But everything is a challenge to me.
Unless it involves me being left alone, it's challenging.

That can't be "normal". But it is my normal. I don't want to do anything.

Which of course, isn't good for anything.

Where to from here?

Long time no blogging...yes, I know. Facebook has become so easy and fun for me, that I forget about blogging. Yet, here I am today.

Today's blog entry will be about my daughter Julianne, and our journey to help her.

I often feel bad for being sad or worried about Julianne and her disabilities, because let's face it, her learning disabilities are minor compared to many, many others. She is not autistic, thank God. She does not have a disability that inhibits her from letting her communicate her needs. She just has a learning disability. Just.a.learning.disability. Simple enough, but hardly.

I won't go into the long journey we have already taken in her short 7 years of life. I won't go into the details on how *I*, her mother, knew things weren't quite right from way, way early in the game....even as early on as 9 months old. I won't go into the excuses I got everywhere I turned...the "she'll grow out of it, she'll just start talking a blue streak one day, she lets her siblings do her talking for her, she is just behind on her own schedule, she is a picky eater, blah blah blah blah". I also won't go into the guilt I forever will feel for not just standing up as her advocate and saying...NO, it isn't JUST those things...something else is going on.

A quick rewind look at what Julianne has done so far would include a special education preschool room, occupational therapy, physical therapy, glasses, adhd meds, night school, camp for the learning disabled, speech therapy, music therapy, and many other things.

So here we are. We are faced with making a decision on what now. She currently attends school at our "home school". The school where all my other children attend. The school that is literally 2 walking minutes from my home. The school where I know the parents, and love the teachers, and feel the family and church attachment to. She is in her second year of Kindergarten there.

But there will be no third year of Kindergarten.

This is the part that hurts. I want so badly for there to be special educators there, at our "home school" to help children like her. If other schools have such programs, why can't ours? She can't really go on to 1st grade there, because she isn't a typical first grader, and there is nobody to work on an individual pace with her.

We are now faced with finding the best fit for her. A different school. That pains me to even type it out. A different school. Different than the one she is used to. Different than the one where the teachers who care for her are. Just a different school.

So many things to think about. And it is sad that money also has to be a factor in the decision. Sucks.

Today I went and checked out a "Learning Center" in one of the local Catholic schools. I had hopes that it would be something good for us. It is super close. It sounded like a great concept...a few, 6-8 kids with learning disabilities, grouped together in one class for all the core subjects...to work at their own pace. The teacher was super nice. I have no doubts she is an extremely nice lady who cares about her students.

With that said, I was not impressed. At all. It seemed chaotic to me, even though there were only 8ish students in the room. It was a very visually busy room. Stuff written everywhere. But the thing that really made me squirm in my seat, was this little boy...a first grader, probably the same age as Julianne. He was told to do his work, and it had to do with the letter "L". He was really frustrated and couldn't figure it out. The teacher kept saying things like, "it's L. llllaaa llllaaa...." She kept telling him to look up and find the letter L, on the letter banner thingy, way above the blackboard. It was a banner that had the entire alphabet on it...and not to mention, the letters were in CURSIVE!!!!! Seriously. :( I guess you had to be there, and be me, to understand what I am saying. But it was rough to watch, and realize that this was not going to be the answer I had been hoping for. This was just one thing that bothered me.

Sigh.

It's OK. I am confident we will find the answer for where Julianne should go next year. It just makes me sad that she will be leaving (again) people who love her and believe in her.