Tuesday, November 27, 2012

My Video 11/27/12 at OneTrueMedia.com

This video reminds me of the time where I LOVED being a mother...and I want to return to that place.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

My Eating Disorder...

When I reflect on my eating disorder, and when it began, this is where I can first remember having feelings of being inadequate:

I remember wanting legs like her.  I remember sitting in the movie theater and wishing I had her little body.  

So.....I've had this disease and its brain disordered thinking since being very young.  

That might be why it is so hard to overcome it.  I've had it most my life.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Why am I here?

Have you ever wondered what the meaning of life was?

Well, I have wondered what the meaning of MY life is.  

I actually have a great life.  I feel I always have.  I am blessed with great family.  I have an abundant support system from school life and friends and family.  My husband loves me and lets me do what I know is right for me.  I have five deliciously lovely children.  I have learned that being a good and kind person is a quality I am proud of.  I may not have much money, but I don't care, because I know the Lord always provides.  

My life, in generalities, is fantastic. 

But this past year has been challenging.  A year ago this Thanksgiving, I started on a journey that I never saw coming.  
*Thousands of dollars in therapy.
*Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
*Two leave of absences from work.
*Long stays in treatment for my eating disorder.
*Losing over 100 pounds, 70 of them in the first 3 months. 
*Self harm like crazy. 
*Tube feedings.
*Laxative abuse.
*Purging every morsel of food that would enter my body. 

and on and on. 

My life took a serious change a year ago.  

But despite the painful and anxiety ridden return to life, I have discovered the love and goodness of people....friends, family and strangers.  I have had had friends drive my daughter to school for me.  I have had friends bring my family dinner.  I have had friends let my kids spend time at their houses, and drive them to and from practices and soccer games.  I have had family take my children for weekends.  All of them, all weekend.  I have had a stranger help us in a financial way.  I have had a great friends come and visit me at the treatment center house...one of them I will call my forever sister/momma boo boo.  ;)  

All of this with NO QUESTIONS ASKED. 

And above all...I have had COUNTLESS prayers said for myself and my family.  

It is amazing to see greatness come from awfulness.  

I take this journey, as painful and scary and doom-filled as it is, knowing that it is all God's plan.  To show me the greatness of others, and to show others how awesome it feels to be great to others.  

Now....if only I could kick my disease in the ass and move on with life.....

....hmmmm.....I ask for continued prayers.  :)

Thank you all.  Family.  Friends.  Strangers.