Monday, May 31, 2010

From here to Eternity...

From a very early age, I knew about death. I feel that I knew about death way too young, and way too often. And I always knew that it wasn't fair.

When I was 11, my wonderful grandma died of lung cancer. I adored my grandma, and still to this day, think of her every single day. Not fair.

When I was about 12 or so, my good friend Dawn's cousin died. She wasn't very old, 2 maybe. Christi was her name. She lived down the street from me. This was shocking and unexpected, and it set the tone in my life for the knowledge that in an instant we, or anybody we love, can die in a heartbeat. Because that is what happened with Christi. She had the flu, and then just died. Just like that. Not fair.

Shortly after that, a year or two later, my same good friend Dawn's little cousin Patrick died. He too was very little. 3 years old maybe. He went in for heart surgery, and didn't come home. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. I remember my mom telling me this news as I came home from school one day. I remember running down the street to tell my friend Theresa...and then we walked and cried...because she too knew these kids... and it wasn't fair.

Later in high school, Matt commited suicide. Matt was the brother of one of my very best friends in this whole world. He was 16. This, again, was another turning point in my life where again, it was reiterated that we, and those we love, can die in a split second. Because that is what happened. One millisecond on a trigger of a shotgun, and forever you are gone. Not fair.

Later, in my adult life, a good church friend lost her little boy after a long and horrible fight with a mean cancer. He was 5. His name was Nick. Not fair.

And people wonder why I have anxiety and fear and worry. It could have something to do with growing up in fear of people dieing. And after some thinking this morning, I believe these deaths may have also helped contribute to my subcontious need to be in control of something, hence my eating disorder beginnings in those formative years. Funny to think that the deaths of others, could somehow almost contribute to my very own death by starvation and the numerous other variations.

Yesterday somebody else went to heaven. It was my friend Heather's little boy. Carter Jay. Not fair. I know know know that there is a bigger picture to all of this. And I know that faith grows in sorror. I know that there is a reason for these things. I know that God has a plan.

But human hearts hurt.

I have this song that I absolutely love...and haven't listened to it in years. But I will dedicate this to Heather today.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

For My Aunt Mary...

Just like I said I would get for you....:)

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Open My eyes!

Open My Eyes! That was my prayer today at church. I know that God has a plan, and he plans things on his own time. I KNOW things *always* work out...often times, they work out in ways we could have never imagined. Good or bad, that is how it works. :)

So, our family has some things going on. Some very exciting things, and some very upsetting things. All that require some thought and planning on how to deal with.

Today, when I went to church, I prayed to the Good Lord to "Open my eyes" to see where it is I am supposed to go with my needs, or where I am to turn or what it is I am supposed to understand.

Amazingly, while walking home, somebody drove by and stopped me. He gave me some very important good news! I told him that I had come to church praying for my eyes to be opened....and I felt this was a sign that He had heard me.

Thank you Jesus.

So, as always with me, music helps me deal with emotional things. So, while searching youtube, I found something by accident. I am going to share with ya'll.

I like it because:
a: It was the message I was praying for today.
b: I love this song.
c: I LOVE acoustic guitar.
d: The guy singing is cute and he does a great job.

It is my prayer that ALL of you reading this can OPEN your EYES to the LORD today.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

As overheard in the "W" house...

The scene: Mom is rinsing strawberries and cutting the tops off of them, and placing them in a bowl for the kids to eat. Mason is standing there watching. Enter Alena with her now empty bowl that once held strawberries.

Alena: MOM!!! I asked Mason to wash off some strawberries and bring them to me, but when I started eating them, I realized he washed them with SOAP and WATER!!!!! They tasted DISGUSTING!!

Mason: NO!!! NO I didn't! I didn't use soap and water. I licked them clean.