That's Just the Way it is....

That's just the way it is.

I must say that sentence at least (and I do mean at LEAST) twice a day. With five children, I get asked "why...." all the time, and "That's just the way it is" is my standard answer.

I heard this song on the radio while driving today. It's called "Just the Way it is" by Bruce Hornsby. I hadn't heard it in forever, but today I not only listened to it...I *heard* it. I've said it before, but sometimes music speaks to me...and today, it did.

Here are some of the lyrics:

They say hey little boy you can't go Where the others go
'Cause you don't look like they do
Said hey old man how can you stand To think that way
Did you really think about it
Before you made the rules
He said, Son
That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
But don't you believe them

I ask myself why does my daughter struggle to read and communicate. I ask myself why some people have lives full of money, and we went bankrupt just trying to survive. I ask myself why my kids seem to hate eachother a lot of the time. I ask myself why I don't have a sister. It sure would have been nice to have a sister. I ask myself why I can't lose weight. I ask myself why I ask myself so many questions.

The answer to all of them is almost certainly always..."That's just the way it is."

I wonder if that's God's answer too.

I'm sure he gets asked a lot of why questions daily too.....

Ripples in a pond. . .

It's funny how life works sometimes. I find myself almost constantly talking to myself about all the things that are wrong with me. So much so, that when I reflect on how much time I spend doing that, it's disgusting to realize how much time I've wasted on myself. Doing nothing good. Just being selfish.

Some things happened this week that forced me to reflect on my life, and what I am doing to enhance this world for others. I have been blessed with fantastic people in my life. People who are doing things to make my life better. People are doing things to make my children's lives better. And there are people in this world who don't know that the great things they are doing, are changing our lives, or those we love.

Ripples in a pond.

The time has come where I need to start making ripples in this pond of life. I am challenging myself to give up some of the time I spend hating on myself...and exhange it for time spent on doing good deeds for others. I may not be able to do grand things. or exciting things. or expensive things. But I know first hand, that even the simple acts of kindness are important.

Mr. Earl Walker, somebody who has greatly impacted and changed the course of my family's life, died this week. While I spent the week reflecting on things I wanted to do, I realized that even though Mr. Walker didn't know me by name, he taught me about the kind of person that I want to be.

The ripples have reached me....and now, I will try and toss some of my own stones, because kindness and empathy and charity and respect and love is what makes this world worthwhile. If our pond loses all its ripples...it will just be a nasty, stagnant, stinky swamp.

And I don't like swamps.

But if somebody were to toss a stone into a swamp.....it could be turned back into a pond...

Moving Mountains...

In a few days, it will have been a year since Julianne got invited to Miriam School to see if it was a school appropriate for her, and I suppose to see if she was appropriate for them. That day was the beginning of what I term as Julianne's new beginning.

A few months prior to that, I went to their open house. It only took minutes to have a striking reaction that THIS was the place for her. Oh My God, I found what I had been searching for for years for my child. To actually get her to be able to go there, would be impossible.

But as the open house continued, and I saw all the children there getting what I had only imagined for my child...and listening to the people giving the tour say the things I had been yearning to hear for years from her educators, I cried. Yes, embarrassing, but I did.

ALL of the help she needed...would be able to be given to her in ONE location, with a TEAM of people...instead of getting help at school, going to extra help somewhere else, speech therapy at another place, and occupational therapy at yet one more location. And pretty much none of these places contacted the others to see what could be done to help...except for her wonderful speech therapist who tried. She even came out to her school to sit and observe and see how things could done differently....but unfortunately the school didn't really keep her updated like we had hoped.

Back to topic.... As I drove away from that open house, I had an epiphany. I wasn't sure how...but I was going to somehow "move mountains" to make this happen. I had to. But how?? This school is expensive. Really, really expensive. Things raced through my head on how we could make this work. Basically, a miracle would have to happen.

And that is exactly what happened.

and Team Julianne was formed.

That speech therapist I mentioned above, who cared enough to come observe her at school, on her own time in an effort to see how she could better help Julianne...has continued to be one of Julianne's biggest fans and supporters. Because she cared more than the usual person, Julianne has a chance at a future that has a shiny outlook.

So, here we are, a year later. It has been the best year ever for Julianne. It has been better than we could have ever imagined. The team of people that work with her are Amazing (with a capital A). They have learned so much about Julianne, and why things are the way they are for her...and in doing so, they learn how best to help her. All the people there love her, and are simply fantastic.

So, I thank the Team Julianne members...those I know, and those I don't know, for allowing my daughter the chance to live her life to her potential. And I thank Miriam School, and all who make that place a family, for being so wonderful.

And I thank God, for showing me that anything really is possible.. .

A splinter of me...

I didn't go searching for it. I didn't even know I wanted to find it. So, by accident tonight, I found something within myself that I didn't realize was there.

I found a part of me, my childhood, my present and my future...all wrapped up in music. Let me try to put this into words.

While scanning youtube tonight, I had a fleeting thought that I would like to hear an acoustic guitar melody that my dad would play whenever he would break out the guitar. So, I called my mom, and had her ask dad what the song was called. (Is it called a song if there are no words??) Anyway, he said it was called "Under the Double Eagle". Wierd name, I thought. So I thanked them, hung up, and went back to youtube.

I absolutely adore youtube, because no matter what in the world you are looking for, you'll find it there.

I started listening to some of the videos of people playing this on the guitar...and little by little, it became clear to me that this was more than just a guitar solo to me. As I listenend, I found myself smiling, and taking a journey to "back then" in my memory. I was/am/will always be a daddy's girl, and oh how I loved when he played music. The mere sound of this tune made my stomach fill with butterflies, and feel a strange happiness that isn't usually there. Oh how I miss hearing him play. I think maybe I should teach myself how to play this tune, because I love it so much.

I then began to think about why this tune made me feel so happy...and strangely enough, happiness that could easily turn into tears. I decided it is because this tune is a piece of me. I feel that if I were broken apart to see what I am made of, somewhere, there would be a splinter of me that was made up of this song.

This little story probably makes absolutely no sense to anybody but me. Sorry about that. But if I may share.....here is a what a splinter of me would sound like:

WWSD?

Sometimes it becomes blazingly clear to me, the fact that 1) I daydream way too much while driving and 2) I over think things all.the.time.

Here is just one example of that:

One day last week, while doing my usual drive to or from somewhere...(honestly, I don't even remember where I was going or where I was coming from. That really isn't all that strange, considering that lately, I rarely remember much of anything that I need to do, or should have done or was going to do)... So, while at a stoplight, while daydreaming about something else, I see on the back window of the car in front of me, this:

What Would Scooby Do? ...you know, a take off of the infamous "What Would Jesus Do?" campaign.

What would Scooby Do?

What would Scooby Do?

So, while thinking about what Scooby would always do, it was then that I began to realize, that I was a whole hell of a lot like Scooby.

You see....Scooby was a scardey cat (or scardey dog, really) who would rather eat than pretty much do anything else. I too, am afraid of most everything...and if given the chance, would opt for a snack or meal over most anything.

Interesting thoughts, don't you think....

And then the light turned green, and I continued on my way.

Halloween 2010...

PICTURES:

Jessica Pea, like the vegetable!

Have you ever felt so blessed to know somebody, and think that your life is such a better place because of them? Well I have. Actually, it isn't a "somebody", it's an entire family. The Asinger family.

I grew up on Wright Ave. Down and across the street by about 5 houses, lived the Asinger family. Theresa was the youngest of all the kids. There is Mary, Margi, Kathi, Tim, Tom, Joe, John, Chris and Theresa. That is not in complete order, but Chris was my age, and Theresa was a year younger than I. I can't remember the specific year Theresa and I became friends, but I do remember she was still in a crib. :)





When I think about my childhood, my teenage years, my twenties, and up until this very day, there aren't many memories that don't include Theresa and her family. I remember the good times like when Theresa spent the night once, and we used all our Barbies and make up and made up wonderful, hilarious plays, which involved the infamous "Apricot Facial Scrub Domestic Violence" barbie. Good times good times. I remember the always feeling like a part of the family. An unofficial Asinger, if you will. They were all always so accepting of me. I remember going to family reunions, parties at "Aunt Mary's in the country", and late night Tripoli games at the Asinger dining room table. Some random memories also include walking through JC Penny watching Kathi bust a move to an erythmics song, on the eve of her hysterectomy, walking to National Grocery Store late at night to visit Theresa the salad bar queen, rock a bowl's, skating in the tennis courts and so many, many more.


I was honored to be the only other person in the delivery room for both of Theresa's children, one of which is my fabulous Godson, Joesph. There were more Asinger's in my wedding than Walewski's I think, lol....Theresa, Jessica and Joey. Theresa is Allison's Godmother. We are family, regardless of the blood relation.

In the process of knowing the Asinger kids and Mom and Dad Asinger, I of course was there for the cousins...mainly Jennifer, Jessica and Adrienne. They were also like my sweet cousins, or little sisters. I loved, and still love those girls.


And one of those sweet girls got married last night. Jessica.

Jessica is and always has been an amazing person. As a child, she was a strawberry shortcake look alike, and as funny, smart and cute as could be. Jessica's childhood was less than ideal, in many regards, but she was always the shining light of the darkness. She was always the girl everyone knew would be OK. She had a way about her that was determined and talented and loving and sweet....and every other positive thing you could come up with. And the girl could dance.

I remember when she went off to college. Going to college isn't something my own family is too familiar with, and she was the first to go to college in her immediate family as well. I remember being so proud and happy for her. Then when she moved to Arizona, I remember thinking how awesome she is, and how proud I was that she was brave enough to go and start a new life, far from those who loved her.

Fast forward to last night. If you knew Jessica, and you knew what she has been through, and the what she has fought and survived, you too would feel the love in your pit of your stomach like I did last night. When I saw her walk though the door with Alex last night, it took my breath away. She was absolutely beautiful.

Jessica was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen.

Part of her beauty comes from her smashing good looks, but the other half is her fantastic heart, and love of others. She is just beauty inside and out.

I was so moved with her beauty, and knowing some of her journey to get to where she is.

So back to how I started this story...The Asinger family was at the wedding last night, of course, and it was just a beautiful thing. My life has been made better by knowing all these people.

I love them.

I love you Jessica! Have happiness till the end of time sweetheart!!!