Take These Moments...

I am a mother of five children. I am a human who sometimes is so overwhelmed with life, that I find myself forgetting everything. I am always in a constant "hurry up and do everything" state of mind. I forever try to keep track of all the dates on my calendar to do list, all the papers I have to turn in on time to school, all the money that the kids need to turn in on time, this that and the other thing. Laundry. Homework. Bills. Groceries. Meals. Housework. Sports. Birthday parties. One on one time.....

Truth be told, I suck at this. I just do.

Never-the-less, I want to address the fact that time FLIES. Specifically, time with our children. I look at my 12 year old and I can still see her crying as I left her at preschool. I find myself wishing I could go back in time and do things differently when she and the others were little-er.

Then I turn around...and there stands my 5 year old.

In a flash, I am sure she will be 12...and my 12 year old will be 17. And I am sure I will think I wish I could go back in time and do things differently.....

But today, I am really trying to think about the HERE AND NOW. There is so much chaos in my home right now...that simple sounds so out of reach. But why? Simple is the way it should be. I am tired of feeling rushed. Too rushed to pray at night, even. The other night, when Alena wanted me listen as she read two stories from the bible before I tucked her in....and I told her I didn't have time for that.

I closed the door....and my stomach immediately filled with guilt.... and two weeks later, I am still here thinking about that.

and I want to change this.

I don't know how, but I am trying to figure it out.

My daughter Alena's favorite song is "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman. It is about a dad taking the time to dance with this little girl...first as she is pretending to be a princess, then as she is going to a high school dance, and then at her wedding. As a parent, it hits home for me. I am not a dad, obviously, but I do realize that if I do not take the time to "dance" when they are little and ask me to....chances are I will regret this later in life. And the last thing I need to add to my list of emotions is regret.

I have a little video here of Steven Curtis Chapman singing this song, and then talking about how he came up with writing it. It is so, so touching...because it was taped before his little girl Maria Sue lost her life to a horrible accident.... He ends his video by saying, "Take these moments"...to enjoy your kids. :(

If nothing else, parents enjoy your kids today. Everything else will still be there at the end of the day, (laundry, dirty dishes, bills), but your children will be one day older when it is all said and done. One less day of childhood.

Make the most of today. Take those moments. . .and make them into great memories.

That's Just the Way it is....

That's just the way it is.

I must say that sentence at least (and I do mean at LEAST) twice a day. With five children, I get asked "why...." all the time, and "That's just the way it is" is my standard answer.

I heard this song on the radio while driving today. It's called "Just the Way it is" by Bruce Hornsby. I hadn't heard it in forever, but today I not only listened to it...I *heard* it. I've said it before, but sometimes music speaks to me...and today, it did.

Here are some of the lyrics:

They say hey little boy you can't go Where the others go
'Cause you don't look like they do
Said hey old man how can you stand To think that way
Did you really think about it
Before you made the rules
He said, Son
That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
But don't you believe them

I ask myself why does my daughter struggle to read and communicate. I ask myself why some people have lives full of money, and we went bankrupt just trying to survive. I ask myself why my kids seem to hate eachother a lot of the time. I ask myself why I don't have a sister. It sure would have been nice to have a sister. I ask myself why I can't lose weight. I ask myself why I ask myself so many questions.

The answer to all of them is almost certainly always..."That's just the way it is."

I wonder if that's God's answer too.

I'm sure he gets asked a lot of why questions daily too.....

Ripples in a pond. . .

It's funny how life works sometimes. I find myself almost constantly talking to myself about all the things that are wrong with me. So much so, that when I reflect on how much time I spend doing that, it's disgusting to realize how much time I've wasted on myself. Doing nothing good. Just being selfish.

Some things happened this week that forced me to reflect on my life, and what I am doing to enhance this world for others. I have been blessed with fantastic people in my life. People who are doing things to make my life better. People are doing things to make my children's lives better. And there are people in this world who don't know that the great things they are doing, are changing our lives, or those we love.

Ripples in a pond.

The time has come where I need to start making ripples in this pond of life. I am challenging myself to give up some of the time I spend hating on myself...and exhange it for time spent on doing good deeds for others. I may not be able to do grand things. or exciting things. or expensive things. But I know first hand, that even the simple acts of kindness are important.

Mr. Earl Walker, somebody who has greatly impacted and changed the course of my family's life, died this week. While I spent the week reflecting on things I wanted to do, I realized that even though Mr. Walker didn't know me by name, he taught me about the kind of person that I want to be.

The ripples have reached me....and now, I will try and toss some of my own stones, because kindness and empathy and charity and respect and love is what makes this world worthwhile. If our pond loses all its ripples...it will just be a nasty, stagnant, stinky swamp.

And I don't like swamps.

But if somebody were to toss a stone into a swamp.....it could be turned back into a pond...

Moving Mountains...

In a few days, it will have been a year since Julianne got invited to Miriam School to see if it was a school appropriate for her, and I suppose to see if she was appropriate for them. That day was the beginning of what I term as Julianne's new beginning.

A few months prior to that, I went to their open house. It only took minutes to have a striking reaction that THIS was the place for her. Oh My God, I found what I had been searching for for years for my child. To actually get her to be able to go there, would be impossible.

But as the open house continued, and I saw all the children there getting what I had only imagined for my child...and listening to the people giving the tour say the things I had been yearning to hear for years from her educators, I cried. Yes, embarrassing, but I did.

ALL of the help she needed...would be able to be given to her in ONE location, with a TEAM of people...instead of getting help at school, going to extra help somewhere else, speech therapy at another place, and occupational therapy at yet one more location. And pretty much none of these places contacted the others to see what could be done to help...except for her wonderful speech therapist who tried. She even came out to her school to sit and observe and see how things could done differently....but unfortunately the school didn't really keep her updated like we had hoped.

Back to topic.... As I drove away from that open house, I had an epiphany. I wasn't sure how...but I was going to somehow "move mountains" to make this happen. I had to. But how?? This school is expensive. Really, really expensive. Things raced through my head on how we could make this work. Basically, a miracle would have to happen.

And that is exactly what happened.

and Team Julianne was formed.

That speech therapist I mentioned above, who cared enough to come observe her at school, on her own time in an effort to see how she could better help Julianne...has continued to be one of Julianne's biggest fans and supporters. Because she cared more than the usual person, Julianne has a chance at a future that has a shiny outlook.

So, here we are, a year later. It has been the best year ever for Julianne. It has been better than we could have ever imagined. The team of people that work with her are Amazing (with a capital A). They have learned so much about Julianne, and why things are the way they are for her...and in doing so, they learn how best to help her. All the people there love her, and are simply fantastic.

So, I thank the Team Julianne members...those I know, and those I don't know, for allowing my daughter the chance to live her life to her potential. And I thank Miriam School, and all who make that place a family, for being so wonderful.

And I thank God, for showing me that anything really is possible.. .

A splinter of me...

I didn't go searching for it. I didn't even know I wanted to find it. So, by accident tonight, I found something within myself that I didn't realize was there.

I found a part of me, my childhood, my present and my future...all wrapped up in music. Let me try to put this into words.

While scanning youtube tonight, I had a fleeting thought that I would like to hear an acoustic guitar melody that my dad would play whenever he would break out the guitar. So, I called my mom, and had her ask dad what the song was called. (Is it called a song if there are no words??) Anyway, he said it was called "Under the Double Eagle". Wierd name, I thought. So I thanked them, hung up, and went back to youtube.

I absolutely adore youtube, because no matter what in the world you are looking for, you'll find it there.

I started listening to some of the videos of people playing this on the guitar...and little by little, it became clear to me that this was more than just a guitar solo to me. As I listenend, I found myself smiling, and taking a journey to "back then" in my memory. I was/am/will always be a daddy's girl, and oh how I loved when he played music. The mere sound of this tune made my stomach fill with butterflies, and feel a strange happiness that isn't usually there. Oh how I miss hearing him play. I think maybe I should teach myself how to play this tune, because I love it so much.

I then began to think about why this tune made me feel so happy...and strangely enough, happiness that could easily turn into tears. I decided it is because this tune is a piece of me. I feel that if I were broken apart to see what I am made of, somewhere, there would be a splinter of me that was made up of this song.

This little story probably makes absolutely no sense to anybody but me. Sorry about that. But if I may share.....here is a what a splinter of me would sound like:

WWSD?

Sometimes it becomes blazingly clear to me, the fact that 1) I daydream way too much while driving and 2) I over think things all.the.time.

Here is just one example of that:

One day last week, while doing my usual drive to or from somewhere...(honestly, I don't even remember where I was going or where I was coming from. That really isn't all that strange, considering that lately, I rarely remember much of anything that I need to do, or should have done or was going to do)... So, while at a stoplight, while daydreaming about something else, I see on the back window of the car in front of me, this:

What Would Scooby Do? ...you know, a take off of the infamous "What Would Jesus Do?" campaign.

What would Scooby Do?

What would Scooby Do?

So, while thinking about what Scooby would always do, it was then that I began to realize, that I was a whole hell of a lot like Scooby.

You see....Scooby was a scardey cat (or scardey dog, really) who would rather eat than pretty much do anything else. I too, am afraid of most everything...and if given the chance, would opt for a snack or meal over most anything.

Interesting thoughts, don't you think....

And then the light turned green, and I continued on my way.

Halloween 2010...

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