Sometimes, I forgot what it means to really be a *mommy*. I am so busy trying to be the *mother*, that the mommy moments sometimes get bypassed. Tonight, a mommy moment slapped me in my face, and I felt the chills of love, like I haven't felt in awhile.
Tonight, after I put Audrey to bed, I sat on the couch. Mason was asleep on the couch next to me. Allison was asleep on the sofa. Alena was playing on the computer, and Julianne was lying on the living room floor. Yes, unfortunately, over the summer, our bedtime routine for the kids has become very lax, and quite often, they sleep wherever they crash out. Of course, this will change in the coming weeks, as school is returning. Anywho.... Out of nowhere, Julianne gets up and comes over to me at the couch. She is such a pretty girl. She was wearing her cute mint green and pink pajama pants and a light blue shirt. They don't match, but she dressed herself for bed, and she did a darn good job without my help. Without words, she just sort of climbed into my lap, and cuddled up so she could be in a position to fall asleep in my lap. This child never does this...to me, anyway. Sometimes she will fall asleep in Jeff's lap, but never me. Her face was ever so sweet. Her long tan hair with her curls, with the front of her hair pulled up into a small ponytail on the top of her head. Her bee stung lips. Her full cheeks. Her beauty was striking to me, and I stared at her. I told her I loved her. She said, "I wuv you too"...and then she closed her eyes and fell asleep.
It made me reflect on my life. I seem to always be running and rushing and panicking and always hurrying. But tonight, I had a fleeting moment of stillness. I looked around the room at all my babies, except for the one who was actually in a bed! They are all growing so fast, and getting so big. I thought to myself that this little 5 year old balled up in my lap, would soon be way too big to fit on my lap, and that this would very soon be something of the past. Holding my baby something of the past???? So, I held her. I held her for so long my arm fell asleep. I rubbed her face, and kissed her forehead. Such a sweet girl.
And for a few moments tonight, I felt the mommy in me.