Tuesday, July 3, 2012


Sometimes I am completely amazed when a song finds ME.  The song below...found me.

As some of you may know by now, I am going through some terrible times, mentally.  And have been on and off since I was very young.

Unfortunately, my way of dealing with pain/stress/anxiety/out of controlness....is to harm myself....to give me real pain as opposed to internal pain. It only lasts for a few moments...but I am forever scarred from it.

And I  have to hide all my scars, because it shows how crazy I really am.  I am what you could call a "self harmer".  I call it "mother fucking crazy".

But it isn't to kill myself....just to numb the awful inside pain.  So, mom...if and when you see my scars, you don't have to be scared...be glad that I have an outlet.

See....mother fucking crazy.

Boy, you are all learning so much about me...mental health...sexual abuse...eating disorders....recovery.

And I am slowly becoming less ashamed of me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is one of my favorite songs!! Please don't be ashamed of who you are Chris. You never have to hide your scars from me. I understand where they come from. With PPD my outlet was pinching myself...really really hard. It left bruises but no scars(at least not on my body) I am not ashamed of where I was then...I survived it as you will survive this...and I am stronger now because of it as you will be. God is with you through this. Let him be your strength right now...Give it all to him while you heal. I love you Chris. Always and Forever...
Your BFF