Sunday, March 3, 2013

Looking for that door...

Have you ever heard the saying, "When one door closes another will open."  Yeah, me too.  I believe it to be true, however sometimes it is a very long tunnel with no door before a new door is found.  And God only knows if that door is locked or not.

Throughout my life, I have had doors close and new ones open.  For example, when we lost our business, it was devastating and scary as hell to a mother of five little bitty children.  But before we knew it, new doors opened and life is much, MUCH better today with no business.  When I had a miscarriage, that also was a devastating door closing blow...but look what happened...four more children crawled through another open door and found me.  I realize it all works out eventually.

So, why this blog post?  Consider it sort of "therapy" for me.  ;)





I see myself in the image above.  Alone in a stone, dark tunnel.  Feeling my way around.  Searching for a door...or even a freaking window.  I have been in a tunnel for a very long time.  I am getting tired of the darkness, even if it is becoming a safe environment for me.  In the dark, nobody can see me, which I like.  In the tunnel, I am alone, which I like.  In the stone tunnel, it is cold, and I am able to hide and hope for a better world.  What if I find that door, and the world is no better.  Yes, that is a stupid fear, but it is a true fear of mine.  What if I continue to crawl around, spend time searching, creeping around this dark tunnel, only to find out that the door I find only leads to a darker tunnel?  What if the new dark, cold tunnel has rats?  That would just be too much for me to handle.  So, I think sometimes that the tunnel I currently live in isn't so bad after all.

Unfortunately, I must keep looking for a new door.  Otherwise, I am doomed to this unhappy, unhealthy life I am currently living.  I must learn to trust that a new door may or may not be better than what I have now, but if I stop searching, I have given up.  I do not want to be a quitter.  So a hunting I will continue.

Even if I don't want to.


2 comments:

Rum-Punch Drunk said...

So don't quit. If you don't open those doors then you'll never know or experience what is ahead for you. So what if you happen to open a darker door with rats? Exterminate them along your way and continue to search. Don't get comfortable in being in your dark hole, after all, you need natural light. Interesting post.

hititrightnimighthola mahlet said...

Don't quit baby... sometimes it takes longer till the next one opens. .have faith my dear and he will b there to make it all happen for you