Sunday, April 14, 2013

Drifting. . .

Sometimes in life, or at least in my life, I feel like I can't grasp where I am in the big scheme of things.  I feel like I am drifting along, trying to grasp onto something, anything, that might make sense to me. 

Currently, I am drifting...with nothing to grab on to.  The things that are sticking out for me to grab, are pointy and dangerous, and I'm afraid to grab onto them.  So I drift.  I know deep in my heart that they would only hurt for a little bit, and save me from drifting down stream...but I am too scared. 

Fear is a big part of my life.  I'm afraid of most things.  Driving, being liked, being made fun of, being perfect, being fat, being ugly, being a bad mom, being hurt, being left alone, getting lost....and the list goes on to so many more things. 

So right now, I am drifting.  In a boat afraid to look.  Afraid of tipping over.  Afraid of getting poked by a tree limb.  Afraid of drowing.  Afraid of a never ending river.  Afraid of currents.  Afraid of rocks.  Afraid of rough water.  Afraid of drowning. 

But there is a team of voices, outside of me, telling me to grab on.  Telling me to hold tight.  Telling me it will all be ok.  Telling me it is the right thing to do.  Grab onto a pointy limb....eventually I will be safe. 

But for now....I drift. 


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