Challenge and Change.

Two words I read in a newsletter the other day. Challenge and Change.

That is where I am.

But really, that is where I always am.

I have so much I need to change.
But everything is a challenge to me.
Unless it involves me being left alone, it's challenging.

That can't be "normal". But it is my normal. I don't want to do anything.

Which of course, isn't good for anything.

Where to from here?

Long time no blogging...yes, I know. Facebook has become so easy and fun for me, that I forget about blogging. Yet, here I am today.

Today's blog entry will be about my daughter Julianne, and our journey to help her.

I often feel bad for being sad or worried about Julianne and her disabilities, because let's face it, her learning disabilities are minor compared to many, many others. She is not autistic, thank God. She does not have a disability that inhibits her from letting her communicate her needs. She just has a learning disability. Just.a.learning.disability. Simple enough, but hardly.

I won't go into the long journey we have already taken in her short 7 years of life. I won't go into the details on how *I*, her mother, knew things weren't quite right from way, way early in the game....even as early on as 9 months old. I won't go into the excuses I got everywhere I turned...the "she'll grow out of it, she'll just start talking a blue streak one day, she lets her siblings do her talking for her, she is just behind on her own schedule, she is a picky eater, blah blah blah blah". I also won't go into the guilt I forever will feel for not just standing up as her advocate and saying...NO, it isn't JUST those things...something else is going on.

A quick rewind look at what Julianne has done so far would include a special education preschool room, occupational therapy, physical therapy, glasses, adhd meds, night school, camp for the learning disabled, speech therapy, music therapy, and many other things.

So here we are. We are faced with making a decision on what now. She currently attends school at our "home school". The school where all my other children attend. The school that is literally 2 walking minutes from my home. The school where I know the parents, and love the teachers, and feel the family and church attachment to. She is in her second year of Kindergarten there.

But there will be no third year of Kindergarten.

This is the part that hurts. I want so badly for there to be special educators there, at our "home school" to help children like her. If other schools have such programs, why can't ours? She can't really go on to 1st grade there, because she isn't a typical first grader, and there is nobody to work on an individual pace with her.

We are now faced with finding the best fit for her. A different school. That pains me to even type it out. A different school. Different than the one she is used to. Different than the one where the teachers who care for her are. Just a different school.

So many things to think about. And it is sad that money also has to be a factor in the decision. Sucks.

Today I went and checked out a "Learning Center" in one of the local Catholic schools. I had hopes that it would be something good for us. It is super close. It sounded like a great concept...a few, 6-8 kids with learning disabilities, grouped together in one class for all the core subjects...to work at their own pace. The teacher was super nice. I have no doubts she is an extremely nice lady who cares about her students.

With that said, I was not impressed. At all. It seemed chaotic to me, even though there were only 8ish students in the room. It was a very visually busy room. Stuff written everywhere. But the thing that really made me squirm in my seat, was this little boy...a first grader, probably the same age as Julianne. He was told to do his work, and it had to do with the letter "L". He was really frustrated and couldn't figure it out. The teacher kept saying things like, "it's L. llllaaa llllaaa...." She kept telling him to look up and find the letter L, on the letter banner thingy, way above the blackboard. It was a banner that had the entire alphabet on it...and not to mention, the letters were in CURSIVE!!!!! Seriously. :( I guess you had to be there, and be me, to understand what I am saying. But it was rough to watch, and realize that this was not going to be the answer I had been hoping for. This was just one thing that bothered me.

Sigh.

It's OK. I am confident we will find the answer for where Julianne should go next year. It just makes me sad that she will be leaving (again) people who love her and believe in her.

Mason Man

My son. He is something I tell you. He is a complete ball of energy, with an exceptional eye for a good "gadget". He loves gadgets. He is fascinated with guns, even though we don't own one, and never talk about them, and I hate them. He has always loved to play dress up...with four sisters, can you blame him? He also loves to pick out his own clothes, which is something I only allow him to do on days we are going nowhere. If you follow this blog, you've seen previous samples of his work. Today was a doozy of a dress himself day. Today he put on jeans,and I am not sure if they were boy or girl jeans. He stuffed his pockets full of all the gadgets he could find. I think those included were a big lock, keys, a flashlight, and I forget but something else. He then put on a big tall pair of adult biker boots. They go all the way up past his knees. Then, he completed the outfit with his most prized clothing posession...his vest from last years Christmas outfit. He was stunning, and he knew it.




Enjoy the pics. :)

Natalie's wedding adventure...

This past weekend we made the trip to Michigan that we had been looking forward to all year. It was Natalie's wedding weekend. Natalie is Jeff's sister Cheryl's daughter. Although I hardly even got to see Natalie, or much of the family, for that matter, it was just so awesome to be there. I only wish there were more hours in the day.

I often hear people talking about their in-laws and how horrible they are, or how they wish they lived elsewhere, or just downtalking them. When I hear that, I am just reminded about how incredibly lucky I am to have the "extended family" that I have. I certainly married into the right one, that's for sure! Not only are there SO MANY of them, and they are all incredibly friendly, welcoming and sincere...but they also live in such a BEAUTIFUL state. Michigan is as pretty to me as any vacation we've taken.

Jeff comes from a large family, and his mom and dad had seven children....Kevin, Cheryl, John, Patty, Jeff, James, and Joe. There are over 20 grandchildren at his point, and one great-grandchild. There are always great stories of "remember when" being told. I have been part of this family since I married Jeff in 1996...and I look forward to every single visit we get to make.

This visit was even more special because Gramma June was home! We nearly lost her a few weeks ago...but here she was, as wonderful and as loving as ever! She was still very tired, and obviously she had lost some weight, so the use of a wheelchair helped her to make it through the long wedding day. We love Gramma June so much....and leaving her this time was harder...and I did shed some tears. But...true to Gramma June form, she had Mason's birthday card to give him. She is SUCH a wonderful person, and my husband is lucky to have her as a mom, and I could not have asked for a more perfect mother-in-law.

Ok Ok Ok....so, this wedding. Or weddingS, if you will. Natalie and her beau, Aravind, have known eachother for a very, very long time. Nat is a sweet little catholic girl, and Aravind is hindu. His parents are from India. He has lived in the USA forever, but his heritage is alive and well in his family. So this was quite the cultural event for our family. In the morning was the Hindu ceremony. I believe this usually is a 3 day long event, but they condensed it into a 3 hour event. Jeff, Alena and Julianne went, while I stayed at the hotel with the other kids....because Allison was sick that morning. We went at noon for the brunch of Indian food. It was fun to taste things we had never even heard of. Some things were good. Some, well...weren't. :)

The Catholic ceremony was in the evening, held at the same place, the banquet center. Natalie had on a beautiful white dress....and that is all I know, lol. Audrey and Mason were not being very quite, so I had to take them out into the hall. :( Someday...I will be able to sit through an entire event, won't I?? For the reception, the kids had to go back to the hotel, where my sister in laws sister babysat. The bigger girls were extremely disappointed that they couldn't go, stating that they were not "children"...but rules are rules. It was awesome to mingle with that side of the family that we never get to see. I miss them. Jeff misses them. But a good time was had by all.

So on to the fun part...pictures.

When we first arrived in Michigan, our first stop was Jeff's brother James and his wife, Susan's new home. They JUST moved in. Boxes weren't even unpacked, yet they were having us, and brother John and his family (in from Texas) over. Not only do they have the "biggest house of anybody we know", they also both have the biggest hearts of anybody we know. The kids were in amazement over the "dream home", and all the fun stuff in there. :) I was just soaking in all the goodness from talking with my sister in law Susan, whom I love...and James... There is nothing but good that comes from these two. We love you. And we loved playing with cousins while there as well. Here are some pics:

First thing the kids see...and spent HOURS in there.

Playing Princess dress up. Thank you Frankie for sharing your dresses!

George playing with his Robot made by Uncle James. :)


"Loom Mom! It's taller than me!!!"

The kids also started a band while there. I'll call them the "Upstairs Sensory Overloading" band. Ha! If you can tolerate the loudness...here is a clip of a jam session:

And to document...WE ALL Love HOTEL's. :)

Jeff took about 100,000 pictures of the Hindu ceremony, but I'll post some of the best. :)

Some from the rest of the night...

I tried (with my crappy camera) to get a good shot of how beautiful this looked...I didn't do so good. But it WAS pretty.

Patty, Susan and James.

The kids with Gramma June. We were trying to take this in the middle of a hallway, and people kept walking through...and so, I am soooo sorry Grampa Joe for cutting your head off.

On the L O N G trip home...ha ha ha.


And there is nothing better after a long road trip...and seeing the Arch...knowing you are HOME!

A chair for Jason...

Jason, I hope you don't mind me stealing this picture..but I just LOVE it. :)

Here is my "BIG" cousin Jason, in an even bigger chair. :)

Pictures...

For my wonderful family members who want to see some pics...but I have them posted on facebook...click link below. :) There are some great ones of the kids at the pool.

I'm too lazy today to upload all the pics to here right now.

Love ya.

CLICK ON THESE WORDS.

A-B-C's...

We all do it. At one point in our early years, we learn the A-B-C's. Mason, my nearly 5 year old, pretty much knows all of the letters. Smart boy. He will be reading soon.

To my excitement, Audrey named a bunch of the alphabet letters on the fridge today. I didn't realize she knew so many. What a smart girt!

I am so happy that my little guys are growing and learning so much.

But my happiness gets a little quelched when I think that Julianne, nearly 7...can't. Try as we might, she just struggles to remember most of them. I worry that she will soon realize that these little people are passing her up. I wonder if that will make her want to try harder, or if it will make her want to give up.