'Tis The Season to GIVE GIVE GIVE...

My last blog entry was a very eye opening perspective look at what is happening in Haiti.

If you haven't read it yet, I urge you to...and get a glimpse of how life is in Haiti. At the end of it, I promised to give you all some info on how you could help. I've decided to go ahead a list a few of my favorite charities that I would love for all of you out there in the blogging world, to open your hearts and your wallets to help.


HAITI

Please visit:
http://www.thehaitimission.org/
http://www.fordhaitianorphanage.org/
http://mfkhaiti.org/

The cool thing about The Haiti Mission is that 100% of a donation, goes to the effort. NO deduction for administrative costs. EVERY PENNY. So if your brownie troop raises $20 dollars, every cent is used. That was important to me. The group has been going since 1992.

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Another charity near and dear to my heart is Operation Smile.
http://www.operationsmile.org/

























This wonderful organization goes all over the world fixing cleft lips and palates, and saving children from a lifetime of ridicule, at no charge. It is an amazing thing! I first became familiar with this organization because of my dear sweet friend Heather, who's son Carter had a cleft lip. His story is one full of love, hope and sadness. His story can be read here:
http://teamcarterjay.blogspot.com/


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And of course, my most favorite charity, which I readily share how much I love, is The Walker Scottish Rite Clinic.
















http://www.srclinic.org/

This fantastic organization helps children, ages 2-6, who have speech and language disorders, AT NO CHARGE. Speech therapy is EXPENSIVE, but this clinic will never make you pay. Our family was personally helped by the WSR clinic, and we have vowed to forever be their biggest and most faithful supporters. I beg of you to consider donating anything, even $5 to this charity. Your help will last a lifetime.


I realize these are "trying times". I live it. Our family just gets by, just like so many other families. But I ask you to all to consider giving to one or more of the above charities...no amount is too small. If one of these charities do not excite you, I ask you to find some other charity to give to. I firmly believe that giving, even just a little, to something that will help others, shines our soul just a little, and a shiny soul makes for a happy heart.

Thank you....and Happy Holidays.

Haiti Perspective

Perspective: a way of regarding situations, facts, etc, and judging their relative importance.

Just when you think you have your life figured out...when you feel your life is in dispair...when you can't see any goodness in anything you do...PERSPECTIVE can kick you in your ass and put you back into reality.

I consider myself a person who is very aware of PERSPECTIVE. Not all the time, but I would say a lot of the time. Even so, I have recently been knocked out of my PERSPECTIVE bubble.

With the permission of my sweet friend, Nora Applebaum, I am going to share some things with you.

Nora is a mom, a sister, a daugther, a friend, a nurse practitioner, a wife...but even moreso, she is a completly selfless, giving person. Every year, she pays her way to go on a trip to Haiti, to work in a mobile clinic, helping countless sick people.

Sick beyond anything we Americans could fathom. She treats children who are literally on deaths bed, but the parents or grandparents are so grateful for her help.

Here in America, there are countless times parents throw big hissy fits because their child has ear pain and they can't get the appointment time they want....in order for them to go to all the other things that must be more important, like baseball, hockey, soccer, fill-in-the-blank.

I would love for all who are here reading my blog, to read these notes from Nora from her latest trip to Haiti. .....and then, I implore you to consider donating ANYTHING to the great causes she supports...which I will include in the next blog post.

Thank you for reading. It's important....and it will hopefully put things in PERSPECTIVE for you, as it has for me.

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RE: Haiti Trip

Hi All. We have arrived in Ft Lauderdale!!!. It is mid 70's and clear. Beautiful. Just finished the team meeting over dinner. What a wonderful group of people to share the work with. We meet in the lobby at 3.45am (ok, REALY?) to catch our plane to Cap Haitian. Ugh!So off to bed! Hope to have some internet in Haiti to hear the update on the Cards!!! Wearing my Cards shirt on the plane tomorrow!!love nora


RE: Sunday

Hi All. Really had trouble getting the internet. No skype so far. I am trying to type fast to get this out. We went to a town called Don Don yesterday, south and west of Cap Haitian. About a 2hr drive up a skinny rocky road, with lush jungle along the side, banana trees, water falls, with the mountain falling off about a mile below. Out my window I could see through a beautiful valley and in the distance the Citadel, the castle on the mountain. We set up clinic in a tiny school room...saw about 400 kids and few hundred teeny tiny old men and women. The adults seem like elfs, grizzled, smiling, and barely 80lbs soaking wet. These kids were really not used to seeing "Blancs" so a bit of a barrier to cross doing an exam. Had a few impressive cases of pertussis, mumps, pneumonia, scabies, cellulitis, bony TB (ribs), and of course everyone has intestinal worms. Always impresses me to feel them move away from me when examine the abdomen (of the child, not the worm) ha! Had several cases of malaria, but no cholera yesterday. So much malnutrition. Had a 30lb 8yr old. Just dont even know what to say about that. Our team is great, as fun as always. Not sure I could do this without them to make me laugh. Off to day to the clinic in Tovar. Ray said they saw 2300 people last week (team one). So, as Ray say, we will be up to our behinds in alligators...well he is a little more colorful. You get the idea. wish me luck love you, no


RE: Monday
Hi All. Today we went to Tovar, the mission clinic. Piled into 3 vans, generator, water, and all the supplies. Cap Haitian in the morning is a chaotic mess of mopeds with Dad, 4 kids, and then a mom swerving between open air buses with 20 uniformed little girls. No stop lights, no street signs, complete me first driving. Not for the faint of heart. Along the roadside you see piles of trash, huge pigs and goats rooting around, and little kids in clean pressed uniforms holding hands and walking in a directed manner. Apartments in varying degrees of completion, rebar sticking up, and trees growing in the depressions. Clothing is strewn over the edges drying in the sun. As we leave the city gates, we enter a lush paradox, black soil, and pitiful cows tied up, their ribs clearly visible. Banana trees, avacados, mangoes...abound. Most people walk, with huge buckets of water on their heads, smile and wave. The kids scream, "blanc" and wave frantically. Most dont have anything on the lower half, and run barefoot, fullspeed down gravel roads. The van jumps incessently as it descends into the pot holes, and I regret not having done more core strength exercises. (Sorry Ben). Kind of hard to complain about musculoskeletal pain from a van ride, when they walk overnight to be seen at clinic. We arrived at the clinic to have about 100 people waiting. The day was crazy. I saw 62 kids. Can you believe that??? Many with malaria and so profoundly sick. I thought I knew illness until I have treated patients suffering from malaria and dengue. Such misery. Tons of scabies with secondary skin infection, whopping pneumonia, perforated bilateral otitis (ear infections), cellulitis/abcess (we have a DVM on the team so he does our I&D and sutures), a couple with presumptive typhoid, UTI's, zinc deficiency rash, normal kid traumas (falls from trees and bikes), 5-6 mumps, many pertussis cases, a few burns (cooking on open fires) and of course the scourge....malnutrition. Had a 24 lb almost 8yr old and a 12 lb 3 yr old today. Lots of orphans, grandmas caring for 5 or 9 grandchildren. Tested them all for HIV, no positive today, thank god. Had an 8 day old whose mom died in childbirth, and grandma had fed her tea, nothing else to give her. So much grace in the face of ridiculous odds. (gave her the formula, vitamins, and bottles from the office) They dont complain, and always say thank you to me. A connection of mom to mom, human to human. They just want the best for their baby. No different than me. Finished and piled in the van to return to the Mon Joli. We all listen carefully to each others triumphs and disappointments. I tear up hearing to the heart wrenching stories. I try not to talk with the lump in my throat. Just nod my head. So much to learn. So much to admire. We arrive at the hotel, exhausted. Team dinner of goat and fish and squash. I marvel at our team. So many different people, from many geographic areas, all here to provide some relief or make a little difference . I am I lucky or what???I hope to get to the orphanage tomorrow to see my little charge. She will be one year older. Love to all nora



RE: Tuesday and Wednesday
Hi All. Internet has been very uncooperative. Had a couple big storms just to confuse the satellite. So I will try to type fast. Wednesday is market day in Grison Gaurde, the town just past the Tovar clinic. The road is busy with people walking pigs, goats, and calves to sell. Many carry bushels of avacadoes, or mangoes, coffee beans, cassava, woven chairs, ...whatever they can sell. The small horses are loaded down with baskets hanging off the sides, bursting with wares. It is a bustling morning, many folks stopping to chat along the way, or buy fried bananas as they walk miles to reach GG. It seems an idyllic picture. Then we pull in to the clinic, and so many wait outside. Mothers carrying sick children, elderly men and women sitting in a daze on the porch. Time to work. Saw 68 kids yesterday and 74 today. About a third are well, just have worms. Their moms just want someone to examine them and tell them they are ok. The kids stare at me curiously, and if brave enough, reach out to touch pale skin. They try to feel my hair and are just not completely sure what I am going to do. They clearly want to know more about me, giggle and talk amongst themselves about me, but are hesitant to do much more. So cute.Some patients are so very memorable, and I wake at night thinking about them. Had an 8 day old baby, brought in by grandma. Mom was "too sick to breastfeed", they had spooned him tea. The baby looked amazingly good on exam. Fed him some formula and I laughed at his expression of joy. Gave the grandma "taptap" (taxi) money to come in so Liz could evaluate her. Turns out she had an enormous HPV tumor, 16x12cm, over the perineum and was HIV positive. She is a young girl, now destined for misery. The baby also tested positive for HIV, but not sure if that is reliable, probably not an accurate test at this age. Either way, both were referred to the HIV clinic. Had a three year old that fell into the cooking fire, severe burn all the way up the inside of his R arm. Stood perfectly still while we cleaned and dressed the wound. What american kid would do that? He did start crying, just silent tears rolling down his cheeks. I gave him his dose of antibiotic, some tylenol, and wiped his little face. He looked up at me and said in a tiny voice, "Mesi, madam" (thank you maam). I was stifling the big ugly gulp cry and just gave him a hug. Many kids are severely injured over fires here, and often the secondary infection is worse than the thermal injury. And of course the threat of tetanus. A serious concern of big open wounds. Thankfully he had received his vaccines.Saw 4 wk old that had fever and was seriously dehydrated. He had impressive rigidity, difficult to flex his neck or hips. Likely meningitis. Rehydrated him, gave him 100mg/kg of Rocephin, and hope to see him back tomorrow. Not sure if he will make if through the night. Mom is also at home, "sick". Auntie brought him in and sat stone faced as I explained my concern. I rarely meet a mother that has not experienced the death of a child. They seem to accept that and just emit pain and sadness. So many more, I cant begin to write about them all. Two more days of clinic. I begin to feel a panic for the kids that will fall ill next week. If you are "lucky" you get sick while the team is here. I have to push the thoughts away and just plow through. Maybe one of these children we see will grow up to be the next president, or invent the cure to cancer. All I know is that to honor my children back home, I have to help the ones I can here. We did hear about the battle shaping up at Busch....crossing my fingers. LoveNora


RE: Thursday
Hi all. An overwhelming day today! Saw 84 kids. I am exhausted. Really hot and humid today. But probably one of my best days EVER......My meningitis baby made it through the night!!!! He had his eyes open and looked at me like a little scared bird. He still had a fever, and impressive nuchal rigidity, but an improved status. Dad feed him overnight with a syringe, he was too weak to suck, the formula I sent home with him. I was so excited to see him I jumped up from my rickety table on the clinic front porch and ungracefully tripped as I hurried to meet him. I saw the baby's face, looked in the Dad's eyes, and just hugged them both. He was trying to be so stoic, but was just overcome with emotion. It was a little embarrassing, having such a raw moment in front of all the waiting patients, but what the hell. It made the whole trip worthwhile. I think he just might have saved me more than I helped him. So many memorable other kids.....Saw a 7yr old that was hit by a motorcycle right outside the clinic. Had an 8 yr old with severe hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain) that can now crawl and say a few words (as if life in rural Haiti wasnt hard enough).... Saw a 4 yr old with a huge cyst on his arm, benign, but reassuring to mom that the voodoo wasnt taking him over. Many cases of malaria which always impresses me. Two kids with cutaneous anthrax, presumably from hugging/playing with goats. Indescribable scabies infections, over all of the body, with secondary pustules from scratching so hard. A darling 7 yr old ran to me with her arms outstretched, when Daphne called her name. Her mom said she remembered me from last year and that Edeline wanted to see the lady with the 'water eyes" (blue color). She was only 18lbs!!!. Think of that. Her arms were not much bigger than the size of my thumbs. I asked what brought her to clinic today, and she said she just wanted to say hello. They were in threadbare, tattered clothes, so very thin, covered in scabies, but smiling as they talked to me. Asked about MY kids. Amazing. I talked to her about the Mamba (medically enriched peanut butter) program and mom nodded and said that would be fine. Treated her infections, enrolled her in Mamba, loaded them up with AK Meal (protein and grain mix) and hugged goodbye. They had about an hour and half walk back home. Dang.
Tomorrow is our last clinic day. Such emotions. I am so grateful for our team, and will be sad to say goodbye...for now. Am I lucky or what??love nora


Actually Nora....those of us who know you, are the lucky ones....

A Disgustingly Funny Story. . .

We have this new puppy. Ok, so she isn't so "new" anymore, but she is still a puppy. Pippy is her name. That is short for Pipsqueak. Allison named her. I would have named her Pepper, if I was given the honor. Then we would have Chili and Pepper. Yeah, I'm funny like that.

Puppies like to eat things. Did you know that? Yep, they sure do. Everything. Baby dolls, crayons, staples, shoe strings, boxes, table legs.... you get the idea. This dog likes to chew. And eat.

So, today Audrey and Julianne took Pippy the Puppy outside to "do her business". About ten minutes later, I hear my name being called...and then yelled! I run outside thinking maybe Pippy had escaped through the gate or something.

"Mom!!! Pippy got the rabbit!!! Under the bushes!!!! She's tearing her apart and ripping out her insides and eating them!!!"

Wait. What did you just say? Surely you didn't just tell me I was going to have to climb under the bush to grab the puppy away from a killed rabbit that she was eating!

Being a grown up sucks sometimes.

So, I grab a long stick, thinking I am going to have to poke at the puppy to get her away from her fresh meat meal.

Here I go. Kneeling down in the grass, right by the fence facing my neighbors yard. Great. Not only am I doing something so disgusting that I don't let my mind process what I am about to do, but I also get to give my neighbor (yes, the one who hates us) a big bent over hiney wave hello.

"Pippy...Pippy...come here Pippy....." I say in my highest pitched voice. poke...poke with my stick.

Not working. I guess I am actually going to have to look and see. I cannot believe just two minutes ago I was gearing up for a nice cozy mid afternoon nap, and now I am about to pry a puppy off of a dead, ripped up rabbit. What the hell, ya know!

So I look. I see it. A mess of white fuzz. Now I frantically poke at the puppy to get her away from the rabbit. Oh my gosh!!!The rabbit is stiff and looks like it has been dead for awhile. At least that is what I can gather through all the branches and leaves.

I look closer. CLOSER. I stare at it, and cannot believe what I am seeing.

Seriously?

I bust out laughing. This is what I found. WARNING...








Oh yes. This is "rabbit". Rabbit was being torn apart and eaten by Pippy. In case you can't tell, it is a stuffed toy animal.









I laughed and sighed with relief. And then, to make this story even better, Julianne said to me, "Mom, she didn't get the baby bunny, at least." What does that mean? She then turned "rabbit" over, and said..."See, baby bunny was safe all along."









Baby Bunny: on top of the fuzz.....

The Psycho-Educational Evaluation

Last night I attended a workshop titled, The Psycho-Educational Evaluation. It was held at Julianne’s school, The Miriam School. I wanted to attend this workshop because Julianne has had one of these evaluations in the past, and I assume she will have another one in the future. These evaluations are incredibly difficult for me to understand. I thought that if I went to this little workshop, that I might learn how to interpret the exam , learn about what I can expect, and yadda yadda yadda.

Well, I left there feeling anything but good.

The speakers were fantastic. The entire time that they were talking, I was trying to figure out where I knew them from. Had they worked with Julianne before? Had they been one of the people who have given Julianne this test before? Or did I just know them from seeing them at Miriam? I never did figure that out…I just know that I have met them before.

Anyway…

I sat and listened to the speakers discuss why somebody would want this type of evaluation, and what tests are typically given, and why social history is a factor. Parents started asking questions, and the speakers started answering the many questions, trying to explain many different things. . .


When the parents started questioning what would be needed as far as getting “services” in high school or college or “extended time” on SAT/ACT tests, I began to slowly internalize how stupid I felt. For the rest of the discussion, my mind was spinning with how much I still did not know, and how much I should know, and how very little help I can actually give my daughter…because I am just so not very smart.


Or at least, that is how I felt in that room, at that time.

I have never taken the SAT or ACTs. I never went to a real college. I fear that I will be of no help to any of my children when it comes to getting them into college, much less my child who struggles 100 times harder than the rest of us when it comes to education.



As I drove home, I started to cry. And then sob. I had so many things going through my head. So many emotions at the same time.



I felt angry at myself for pretending to think I would actually be able to understand what they were going to be talking about. If I have found out anything about myself during this “special-needs kid” journey, it is that I am dumb when it comes to knowing how to help my child. I am dumb when it comes to knowing what the hell people are saying to me when trying to tell me what is wrong with her, or how to help her. I am dumb when it comes to understanding what I can do to help her to get her what she needs.



I felt sad because I couldn’t imagine Julianne being able to go to college.



I felt disappointed in myself for thinking that maybe Julianne would not be able to attend college. How dare I think such a disgusting thought. Shame and Guilt on me!!!!



I had a little meltdown.



Then I started thinking about how lucky we really are. And blessed. Devine intervention has placed many wonderful people in Julianne’s life. People who actually know what they are talking about, and know how to help her, and how to get her where she needs to be. Saving her from me, in a way. I don’t say that to be self defeating. I say that because it is truth. When I started this whole journey, I didn’t even know that there was a difference between speech and language. I had no idea about services through schools. I had never even heard of an IEP or a psycho-educational evaluation. I had no clue what OT was even for. And so on. And so on. And so on.



And so on.



But, there has been a village of people that have told me what to do for Julianne, and where to take her, and how to do it.. They have saved her…and given her a chance at a decent life. A life that will involve her potential. Thank God for them. She is a blessed child to have all these angels here for her. It is amazing, really.


So a day later, I am trying to not think about the future for her. She may or may not go to college. But based on how things have gone so far, I am confident that God will continue to bring in magical people to guide and love her.

Take These Moments...

I am a mother of five children. I am a human who sometimes is so overwhelmed with life, that I find myself forgetting everything. I am always in a constant "hurry up and do everything" state of mind. I forever try to keep track of all the dates on my calendar to do list, all the papers I have to turn in on time to school, all the money that the kids need to turn in on time, this that and the other thing. Laundry. Homework. Bills. Groceries. Meals. Housework. Sports. Birthday parties. One on one time.....

Truth be told, I suck at this. I just do.

Never-the-less, I want to address the fact that time FLIES. Specifically, time with our children. I look at my 12 year old and I can still see her crying as I left her at preschool. I find myself wishing I could go back in time and do things differently when she and the others were little-er.

Then I turn around...and there stands my 5 year old.

In a flash, I am sure she will be 12...and my 12 year old will be 17. And I am sure I will think I wish I could go back in time and do things differently.....

But today, I am really trying to think about the HERE AND NOW. There is so much chaos in my home right now...that simple sounds so out of reach. But why? Simple is the way it should be. I am tired of feeling rushed. Too rushed to pray at night, even. The other night, when Alena wanted me listen as she read two stories from the bible before I tucked her in....and I told her I didn't have time for that.

I closed the door....and my stomach immediately filled with guilt.... and two weeks later, I am still here thinking about that.

and I want to change this.

I don't know how, but I am trying to figure it out.

My daughter Alena's favorite song is "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman. It is about a dad taking the time to dance with this little girl...first as she is pretending to be a princess, then as she is going to a high school dance, and then at her wedding. As a parent, it hits home for me. I am not a dad, obviously, but I do realize that if I do not take the time to "dance" when they are little and ask me to....chances are I will regret this later in life. And the last thing I need to add to my list of emotions is regret.

I have a little video here of Steven Curtis Chapman singing this song, and then talking about how he came up with writing it. It is so, so touching...because it was taped before his little girl Maria Sue lost her life to a horrible accident.... He ends his video by saying, "Take these moments"...to enjoy your kids. :(

If nothing else, parents enjoy your kids today. Everything else will still be there at the end of the day, (laundry, dirty dishes, bills), but your children will be one day older when it is all said and done. One less day of childhood.

Make the most of today. Take those moments. . .and make them into great memories.

That's Just the Way it is....

That's just the way it is.

I must say that sentence at least (and I do mean at LEAST) twice a day. With five children, I get asked "why...." all the time, and "That's just the way it is" is my standard answer.

I heard this song on the radio while driving today. It's called "Just the Way it is" by Bruce Hornsby. I hadn't heard it in forever, but today I not only listened to it...I *heard* it. I've said it before, but sometimes music speaks to me...and today, it did.

Here are some of the lyrics:

They say hey little boy you can't go Where the others go
'Cause you don't look like they do
Said hey old man how can you stand To think that way
Did you really think about it
Before you made the rules
He said, Son
That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
But don't you believe them

I ask myself why does my daughter struggle to read and communicate. I ask myself why some people have lives full of money, and we went bankrupt just trying to survive. I ask myself why my kids seem to hate eachother a lot of the time. I ask myself why I don't have a sister. It sure would have been nice to have a sister. I ask myself why I can't lose weight. I ask myself why I ask myself so many questions.

The answer to all of them is almost certainly always..."That's just the way it is."

I wonder if that's God's answer too.

I'm sure he gets asked a lot of why questions daily too.....

Ripples in a pond. . .

It's funny how life works sometimes. I find myself almost constantly talking to myself about all the things that are wrong with me. So much so, that when I reflect on how much time I spend doing that, it's disgusting to realize how much time I've wasted on myself. Doing nothing good. Just being selfish.

Some things happened this week that forced me to reflect on my life, and what I am doing to enhance this world for others. I have been blessed with fantastic people in my life. People who are doing things to make my life better. People are doing things to make my children's lives better. And there are people in this world who don't know that the great things they are doing, are changing our lives, or those we love.

Ripples in a pond.

The time has come where I need to start making ripples in this pond of life. I am challenging myself to give up some of the time I spend hating on myself...and exhange it for time spent on doing good deeds for others. I may not be able to do grand things. or exciting things. or expensive things. But I know first hand, that even the simple acts of kindness are important.

Mr. Earl Walker, somebody who has greatly impacted and changed the course of my family's life, died this week. While I spent the week reflecting on things I wanted to do, I realized that even though Mr. Walker didn't know me by name, he taught me about the kind of person that I want to be.

The ripples have reached me....and now, I will try and toss some of my own stones, because kindness and empathy and charity and respect and love is what makes this world worthwhile. If our pond loses all its ripples...it will just be a nasty, stagnant, stinky swamp.

And I don't like swamps.

But if somebody were to toss a stone into a swamp.....it could be turned back into a pond...