Lately, I have been feeling very defensive....and maybe even angry. I feel like people that used to be my friends, have moved on. I feel that people who used to be my "peers", have moved up. I feel that people who used to love me, have just moved away. I have hope that this is mostly due to my crazy brain and the way I often make things seem worse than they really are. I wonder why I feel this way, however.... I find myself getting angry at what people are saying, as if they are directing their comments towards me and my life. Seriously, how vain is that???? Even though the title of this blog is "It's all about me", the truth is...it really isn't all about me. And I think I often think everything is. I guess that makes me a selfish person...one who thinks everything is about herself. I wish that I wasn't jealous also. I am jealous that people that used to talk to me daily...no longer do. I am jealous that they seemingly moved on to different, more exciting, more fun people. I hate that I get angry at that. Why...why do I let myself care about such stupid stuff? I mean, if I really wanted to talk to these people, I'd initiate the conversation. Instead, I internalize that they must think I am a big joke now, and I'm just sure they sit around and talk about how stupid I am, and I am sure they are just trying to make me feel incredibly left out.
See......I seem to think it is all about me.
Laughing at myself in a sick sick manner.